Say something about gay babies.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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