barbara walters just said penis...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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