before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
