I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
