I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
