i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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