Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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