I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
