there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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