i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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