Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
