You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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