The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
