i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
