Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
