Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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