did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
