i just had sex bonerless
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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