I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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