am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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