32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
