I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
