There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
