so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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