So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
