Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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