Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
