Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
