He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
this will be a night to untag.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
