are you so shy because you have an std?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
