i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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