i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize