i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
