This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
