I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
