Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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