my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize