on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
