i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
