About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
