I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
