I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
