My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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