hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
