Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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