he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
