he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
