I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how can u be prego again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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