Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
