Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
