He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
