They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
