I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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