remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
