Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
