shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
