My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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