apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
