I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
