Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
