I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
