think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
