I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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