Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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