you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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