I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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