Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
