So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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