man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
