I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
