i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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