I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
