Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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