My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
