I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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